life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
