I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
