Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
