My balls are so social today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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