I wanna bring you to show and tell
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
