I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
