my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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