What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
