My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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