She announced her abortion via fbk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
