The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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