Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.