They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie