I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.