Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
