Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse