Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.