I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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