Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
