Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
