I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize