sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
