The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
