This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
