Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
