i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
