youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My vagina just recognized that song.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
