apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Alive.
So much puke
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
