I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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