I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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