I cockslap morals
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
