Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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