My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Even my vagina gasped.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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