yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Everything about him screamed your future.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
