Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
