you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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