i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
