Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
