Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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