I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
