I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God, I missed his penis.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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