lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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