u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
