Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
