Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
