addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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