So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
