Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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