Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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