Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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