We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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