Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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