Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
