so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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