Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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