you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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