woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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