I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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