was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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