my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
