so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
