Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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