Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
