Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who died my cat blue again?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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