just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
