one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
