just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
