Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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