Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
