Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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