the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
