I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
